Live From 5 Minutes Ago

Monday, May 03, 2004

YOU SAY GOODBYE, I SAY HELLO!: I promised big news, and big changes around here. And never say I don't follow through on a promise. This announcement gives you all the details you could want to know. I'd like to thank Adam for inviting Alex and I to join, and want to invite all my visitors to pop on by to my new home. This may still be occaisionally updated for things that might not fit in as well over there, but 95% of new production will be over there. Join the fun on what, for my money, was already a top-tier pop culture blog, and one I hope we'll make even better.

Sunday, May 02, 2004

CULT OF (LACK OF) PERSONALITY--I like Lindsay Lohan (and not just in the jailbait sense of that word)--her recent films have demonstrated that she has a nice comic touch (not to mention her ability to keep a relative straight face while the "more experienced" cast members on "SNL" were (rather inexplicably) losing it during Rachel Dratch's "Debbie Downer" sketch last night). However, she has no business hosting "SNL." Why? She has no established general personality whatsoever to send up. They hit the one obvious cultural joke in her monologue with the Hilary Duff/Lindsay Lohan "feud," but beyond that, they were tapped out, so we had entire sketches devoted to Ms. Lohan's cleavage. During the monologue, she "adjusted" herself 3 or 4 times, which made me feel all pervy and wrong. And oddly, in her farewells, she specifically thanked "hair and makeup."

And was Tina Fey so busy this week that she didn't have time to bring the funny to the show this week? Even "Update," which is pretty reliably high-powered, missed more than it hit and was overly dependent on an even more annoying than usual Horatio Sanz character. Thus, I'd like to submit the following suggested rule--unless a person has a well-defined public persona, they should not be hosting "SNL." Discuss. Also, discuss how quickly Horatio Sanz should be fired (I suggest immediately).

Also--in the category of pathetic--counting last night, there are 3 episodes of "SNL" remaining this year. Of the 6 hosts and musical guests remaining, at least four (Lohan, Usher, Avril Lavigne, and the Olsen Twins) are younger than I am, with 3 of those 4 being jailbait. Man, I feel old.

Saturday, May 01, 2004

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT THEY'D DO WITH N.W.A.: I spent some time poking around on iTunes this afternoon and came across an old favorite--one hit wonder New Radicals' "You Get What You Give." Hence, I clicked the "buy" button. I gave it a listen on my player to realize that the conclusion of the song "come along, we'll kick their asses!" is bleeped. Yes, apparently "Ass" was an excessively dirty word. I wouldn't mind if it had indicated that it was the "clean" version or if "ass" were just blurred for radio (which I don't think it was), but we get the "bleep" in full force.

Friday, April 30, 2004

MATHLETES RULE! To double up on our Tina Fey coverage, saw "Mean Girls" tonight. Honestly, I believe this is going to be the enduring USA classic of this year, just as "10 Things I Hate About You" is for my college years. Yes, Fey's script is a bit weak on the "plot" side--unsurprising, given that the movie is "based on" a self-help book and that Fey's always been better with one-liners than actual plot, and the film is way too dependent on Lohan's voiceover. But the parts and one-liners are spectacular--I don't want to spoil any of the jokes for you (and, for once, it's a trailer that doesn't spoil the best jokes), but the sociology and the funny are both brought. Yes, given that it's a teen movie, it does end with a requisite "be yourself!" coda, but it works. And the cast is spectacular--Lohan may actually be able to make the transition from "kid star" to something else, Fey doesn't try to do too much as an actress (her character is roughly comparable to Allison Janney's in "10 Things"), folks like Neil Flynn (the Janitor on "Scrubs") and Amy Poehler make the most of tiny parts, and even folks who never were that funny in past incarnations (I'm talking to you, Tim Meadows) just work. The real find, though, is a young actor named Jonathan Bennett, who plays Aaron, the overweight boy who takes Lohan's character under his wing. He mixes the comedy and the pathos pefectly well. Well worth checking out.

MY GOD--AND SHE WROTE THAT MOVIE ABOUT TEENAGE GIRLS: Maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's just the glasses and the creepy smile. But I'm thinking there's a more than a bit of resemblance between this picture of Michael Jackson and this picture of "SNL" writer/performer Tina Fey?

Thursday, April 29, 2004

OK, SO MAYBE IT'S NOT MY "DREAM JOB," BUT IT WAS UP ON MONSTER.COM: In our continuing effort to provide you the latest in "milking that limited fame" coverage, we note this press release. Yes, Zachariah Selwyn, notably hairy competitor on ESPN's "Dream Job" earlier this year, has found his place. No, it's not hosting on ESPN. No, it's not even working his way up through the ranks at local stations. Yes, Mr. Selwyn will be providing color commentary for GSN's new series "Extreme Dodgeball!" Yes, it'll feature the best in Dodgeball competition between teams made up of mimes, CPAs, and Jockeys, all competiting for the $10,000 prize pot.

Still no word on what happened to Maggie Haskins, who was probably my favorite of the "DJ" finalists.

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

PROVING SHE IS, IN FACT, THE GREATEST AND MOST MISUNDERSTOOD MUSICAL GENIUS OF OUR TIMES: Avril Lavigne has her "celebrity playlist" up over at iTunes. Among her insights?

"Hey Ya!" is "the best song in the world right now and the video rocks."
On Alanis Morisette's "Ironic"--"I love how this song is witten with all the different examples Alanis uses of things being ironic. . . this song is just really good lyrically."
On Nirvana's "Rape Me"--"This is a great song to rock out to and to get drunk and mosh to."

Yes, she's underage.

Also, we come to learn that Andrew W.K., the maestro behind "Party Hard" and "Party Till You Puke!" REALLY likes Parliament--his playlist consists entirely of Parliament and Bootsy Collins.

RIN TIN TIN DIDN'T MAKE THE CUT: In honor of my sister, an alum of the only college in America to use a Kangaroo as its mascot, I bring you this--the touching story of a Kangaroo winning the SPCA's highest Animal Valor award. Strangely enough, my TiVo went through a brief (mostly now over) period here it thought I really liked the programming on "Animal Planet," a network I have never actually watched. I suppose it's better than the spate of soft-core porn it's recorded in the past.

WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN "CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN": Two things worth pointing out in today's New York Times. The first is this delightful profile of Senator John Kerry's "Chief Of Stuff," and what he carries for the Senator, including a discussion of Senator Kerry's favorite sandwich (peanut butter and strawberry jelly) and his preferred candy (Junior Mints).

The second is a couple of priceless quotes from Steve Martin in the "Boldface Names" column uttered at this year's Lincoln Center Film Society tribute to Sir Michael Caine:

"I know why I am here tonight. I know why Phillip Noyce is here. I know why Ian Holm is here. I do not know why the President of Iceland is here."

"There have been very few times in my life when I've worked on a film and woke up in the morning and though, 'Oh boy, I get to spend all day with that person. Once was when I was working alone. But in second place is Goldie Hawn. Michael, I wish 11th place had a better ring, but actually, that's quite high."

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

The Terrorists Have Already Won!--I really can't add anything to this priceless quote from Bush advisor Karen Hughes other than to ask what's next? "If we're not allowed to say 'Under God' in the Pledge of Allegiance, then the Terrorists have won!"? "If Supreme Court Justices are not allowed to go duck hunting with the Vice President, then the Terrorists have alredy won!"?

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